250. You were not supposed to cure your Imposter's Syndrome
or how I learned to stop worrying and start becoming an artist.
Dear reader,
“Once is a mistake. Twice, is an idea. Three times, is style.” - Miles Davis.
Today’s post is the second of a mini-series of ideas from my talk at Wild Wonder Conference. If you are interested in better observing and engaging with your natural environment, get access to all the sessions from some amazing nature journalers, artists, and writers. Last week, I spoke about how the only purpose of my art is to reflect my curiosity.
(Sometimes readers misconstrue my usage of you as referring to them, so I want to clarify that in my self-education process and the ramblings inside my own head, I regularly refer to myself in the second person. It’s not you, it’s me.)
The SneakyArt Post is a publication of secretly drawn art of the world. As of last week, it goes out to over 16000 inboxes around the world. If you like me being in your inbox, help spread the word.
You might imagine having 16000 readers would cure one’s Imposter’s Syndrome. Having 300k+ social media followers should do it too. But the answer is no. My legs are restless under the desk at this hotel in Singapore in the early hours of an island morning. Rohan is snoring softly a few feet away, and I am consumed with dread by the audacity of this post. Who am I to tell anyone anything? I can barely function myself. By what right do I hit the publish button every week? It has been 4 years, and these thoughts are old thoughts, these feelings are old feelings.
I run through the cycle of self-doubt and blame. Afterward, worn out of recriminations, I do it anyway.
Reader, tell me about your cycle of self-doubt.
Many, who are otherwise ready and willing to pursue their creativities, are simply waiting for their imposter’s syndrome to go away.
(Okay.)
During my talk at Wild Wonder Con, I was asked what I do about the inevitable mistakes with ink. Nothing, I answered.
Erasing mistakes is the mistake.
I started drawing with a fountain pen before I knew how to draw, before I had style. I was trying to get to the line.
The Line™️ contains everything
The line is my line. I have learned to speak to it, it has learned to listen, and most of the time it goes where I want it to go. Sometimes it leads conscious thought. It contains my idiosyncrasies, weaknesses, strengths, likes, dislikes, preferences, observations, curiosities. It wavers, leans, worries, corrects, over-corrects, and sometimes boldly goes nowhere at all. It is not a straight line, but straight lines are overrated.
Sometimes what we think of as mistakes are aspects of our personality. In your haste to be perfect, take care to not erase your self from your page!
All my friends have it
I have never met an artist or writer who did not have Imposter’s Syndrome. It is a design feature of our society that we feel unqualified or unable to do what we really want to do, regardless of whether we are good at it.
(Discontentment is a prerequisite for consumerism and the individualism that cuts us off from communities, families, and every other social bond. Everything that runs the world profits from you feeling utterly alone and utterly convinced that only you feel this way.)
But it must be said
Note: You can appreciate this whole post without buying into this last section.
We are now at the part of this post that makes me uncomfortable. This is where I share a thought that runs counter to the zeitgeist of our times. It stands opposed to what everyone with an 8-week course and a daily morning newsletter would tell you. I no longer believe in the idea that we can or must solve ourselves in order to achieve the highest rewards of our lives. We are in an age of self-optimization-even-at-the-cost-of-self-obliteration. I do not think art comes from such sanitized environments.
You were not meant to cure your imposter’s syndrome because that is also you. Do not erase your self from your page. You are meant to create through the self-doubt, you broken, imperfect thing. Art does not come from perfectly formed, immaculately balanced individuals. Art is imperfection reaching for an expression greater than itself. A way to make your soul grow.
(Do you know where solved souls go? It’s called nirvana. No drawings or poems or novels happen at that point.)
Reader, share your thoughts.
Everyone should make art. It is not about skill level. It is a human thing to do. Maybe it is the most human thing to do?
This week I am learning about Paulo Freire’s Pedagogy of the Oppressed on the Philosophize This podcast. What is the point of education, he asks. And the answer - to become more human.
Tomorrow, we are flying to India. I will spend two weeks in Kolkata with my family, introducing Rohan to everyone. Then two weeks with the wife’s side of the family in Lucknow, introducing Rohan to everyone. Too much food will be had.
Thank you for reading.
🎥 Video pass to Wild Wonder Conference
Really appreciate this post. I particularly related to this: “We are in an age of self-optimization-even-at-the-cost-of-self-obliteration. I do not think art comes from such sanitized environments.” Inspired to shift my energy from solving/fixing me to just being me.
This is a lovely post and one I agree with wholeheartedly. It's taken me quite some time to realize that erasing is the mistake. I still am tempted to refine and do, but I try to come at it from a place of "What am I trying to say and how can I say it clearer?" instead of "How can I make this a perfect drawing." which I've learned is a BIG difference. Thank you for sharing.