Rohan Does not Acknowledge Furniture

Insider #144 with tiny essays and quick drawings of the little guy.

Dear reader,

Every week, it becomes more difficult to exist on the internet as an artist and writer. Corporations first cornered the market with sheer scale, then elected themselves arbitrators of all human interaction. First they took a slice out of your pie, now they are telling you it is actually their pie. Anything you say, anything you make or do, is up for a Silicon Valley funded behemoth to copy, replicate, cheapen, and destroy. This is the work-ethic of colonizers and, if you look carefully, you will see it everywhere. Culture is being colonized. And there is no clear way out. Instinct suggests that we save what we can, and build bigger walls.

But I did not become an independent artist and writer (in this economy!) as part of some great business strategy. No one with financial targets would do such a thing. We are not Netflix. We are not Amazon Prime. We do not want to be Paramount Studios. We are fools, and we do it for foolish reasons. Human reasons. Foolishly human, humanly foolish.

So with this post - foolishly, humanly - I announce a change of policy. To make more work more open to more readers. To start, these Sunday emails that previously went out only to paid subscribers. I hope they will find a good home in your inbox. I promise to make them worth your time.

In today’s post, tiny essays to Rohan who will be 5 months old next week.

The SneakyArt (Insider) Post is written for paid subscribers and patrons all readers. Every Sunday, a behind-the-scenes look at my work, and deeper thoughts from my journey as an artist and writer.

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If you value my work and its place in your inbox, buy me a coffee. Or take the annual offer to become a SneakyArt Insider.

⛅️ Rage Against the Blue Sky

A distressed afternoon post-vaccines.

I want to tell you that a sunny days fills me with rage in a deep corner of my mind. Every time I look out of the window, I curse my lethargy, my chores, and the oh-so-important tasks I procrastinated upon yesterday. Why am I not seizing the day?

It does not matter that yesterday I carpe diem-ed. Yesterday’s self is gone. Forever. Today’s gods are displeased, and today’s gods will live forever. Until tomorrow. They say.

The open window indicates that the wind is cool this afternoon. The clouds are intermittent. The sky is impossibly blue. Everything good and great is outside in plenty. I am sleep deprived. And there are important decisions to make about baby formula. Rohan is in a gurgling/spitting phase that is affectionately called blowing raspberries. ‘Blowing raspberries’ is a very visual metaphor that you would understand only if you watch a raspberry with one eye and the saliva at the edge of a baby’s lips with the other. Rohan loves to do it, and delights in others imitating him. It is currently the best way to get his attention, so I do it a lot.

At tummy time, we get tired before Rohan now.

I imitate his sounds the best I can and also offer new ones he may like. This is how you encourage a baby to speak, but Rohan needs no encouragement. All signs point to a talkative baby, who will become a talkative infant, and a talkative adolescent, and oh god…

For now, I speak slowly, mouthing the sounds - ‘Da-da’, ‘Pa-pa’, and ‘Ma-ma’. It is a trick of the tongue, I realize, to be able to pronounce certain sounds. It is a nimbleness babies need time and practice to acquire. Vocalizing sounds with Rohan is like walking hand-in-hand, sound-by-sound, through an auditory landscape, pointing at interesting features, at peaks and plateaus, and climbing them, and urging him to follow. We will explore many such landscapes together.

***

It occurs to me that the near-universal terms for mother - “Ma” / “Mama” / “Mummy” / “Mumma” etc. - may have something to do with babies finding it easy to pronounce the ma sound with their tongues.

Linguists and childhood development experts, please weigh in.

Also, can I teach him to say Papa before Mama? Dads, please suggest time-tested strategies.

***

🪑 Rohan Does not Acknowledge Furniture

Songs and massage are an essential part of the evening’s winding-down routine.

Rohan will not look at you when he sits on your lap. He does not acknowledge furniture. This is the time he will look at everyone and literally everything else in the room. To get him to look at you, you must make the blowing raspberries sound, or put him down and lie down next to him. Then he will look at you and smile with the warmth of the sun and the impossible blue of the sky and the cotton-ball delicacy of clouds and the soft, cool breeze of late summer afternoon.

You can forget the outside world then for a while, and revel in your private universe.

***

My back hurts. My fingers are sprained from holding him up last night for unduly long feeding sessions because he insists on gurgling into his bottle. We have reached a decision on baby formula.

***

Sneaking in some work-time.

🌘 Apologies

Last night when I was lying in bed and Rohan was curled up on my belly, crying and throwing his arms about because we did not put him to sleep already, we had a little chat. He was not an active part of this conversation that I know of. But by the end, he was quiet? And asleep? So, some kind of productive exchange surely took place. And that is a good way to think of a conversation too.

Sounds of Friday evening.

I started by apologizing several times. Because it is a full house these days, us and the (maternal) grandparents too, we get into our adult conversations sometimes and lose track of the time.

“Because you smile so beautifully, and laugh with us, and imitate us imitating you, we forget how thin the line is between Rohan having a good time and Rohan in desperate need of sleep. We will be more mindful going forward.”

I apologized also for not giving him enough attention. Being an adult is such a stupid thing. We take for granted the wonder before us, his eyes, his big eyes looking up at us, his life so utterly dependent upon us, so completely inside the orbit of our own lives.

“And of course you do not understand why. Why should you? You look at us, without malice or contrivance or cold calculation, and wonder why no one is looking back right now. You are fully open, unhurt, unscarred, undisturbed by the trivialities of life that have damaged us so much. Adults are broken people, Rohan. Backs hunched by soul-sucking jobs and chores, minds destroyed by petty emotions, hearts torn by missed expectations, buried embarrassments, and traumatizing failures. Scars of old wounds, both real and imagined. Not like you.”

I promised him that we would do better. More attention. More presence in the moment. More funny voices.

Rohan snored softly.

His favorite nap-spot, with his ‘nani’ (maternal grandma)

🦆 Join me at the Wild Wonder Conference

This is the last weekend to grab early bird tickets to the Wild Wonder Conference (Sep 18-22, 2024). This e-conference is a must-attend for anyone trying to cultivate an interest in our natural environment - whether as artist or writer, or as an active observer of their surroundings.

The conference will feature 30 fantastic artists and nature journalers covering a wide range of interesting subjects. I will lead a demo about keeping a sketchbook habit and drawing in natural settings.

💌 This Summer…

🔐 No more paywalls. I am making Insider writing free for all readers. Paid subscriptions allow me to focus on my best ideas and share them widely.

💻 SneakyArt Hangouts. The monthly Insider Hangouts are free for all readers. Have you signed up for July’s hangout?

✍🏼 More Workshops. The next workshop dates are in July, August, and September (links going out soon). All readers get an exclusive discount and paid subscribers get FREE seats. Become a SneakyArt Insider to grab your free seats!

📬 More Merch Soon. This summer, I am teaching myself how to bind art-books and zines. Tiny gifts (and DIY classes too?) are in the pipeline.

Spotted at Jonathan Rogers Park, Mt Pleasant.

Thank you for reading. I am glad to have a space in your inbox. Next week, tiny stories again!