178. A Big, Beautiful Indian Wedding
scenes of family, and an exciting workshop in NYC.
Dear reader,
Individualism is relatively new in the long progression of human thought1. It was the zeitgeist of the world in which I grew up, but not the one into which my parents were born. As a result, there are stark differences in our ideas about life. They have questions to which I have no answers. I have answers to which they ask no further questions.
I have been a strong individualist for so long. I had nearly forgotten the why of having an extended family. This week, I found out. It kept me from writing to you last week. It is the subject of this week.
But not too many words, for words cannot do it justice. Only a few. Few words, but many lines. This is one of those posts.
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I was at the home of my first cousins in Jaipur (Rajasthan, India). In many Indian families, first cousins are as close as siblings. And weddings can be big family affairs.
For the duration of this week, it was not merely their home. It was a shaadi ka ghar. Everyone was welcome.
As more family members arrived by various flights and trains, mehendi application continued into the late evening. There was a lot of singing. There was spontaneous dancing. There was food all day. There were many jokes and lots of long conversations. Many, many cups of chai.
The wedding ceremonies commenced with the tilak of the bride and groom. Afterwards, they exchanged rings. Lots of food was had. Then everyone danced again.
Being the father of the groom is a special state of mind. I watched my uncle closely for all the days I was there. He was a different man at the end of it all.
On the morning of the big day, the groom is made ready. All family members took turns to apply uptan - a mixture of haldi, gram flour, and other ingredients - on his face and body.
Singing.
Dancing.
Love and laughter.
The groom mounts a horse to begin his wedding procession - the baaraat.
But right before that, in the korath ceremony, the bride’s family officially invites the groom’s family to the wedding venue. His sisters-in-law (not sisters as above) apply kajal under his eyes. More singing. Then the baaraat can begin.
A wedding band leads the march. Family members and friends follow, dancing in tune. The baaraat halts every couple of minutes, because everyone wants to keep dancing for as long as possible. It is tradition to keep the bride’s family waiting at the wedding venue.
The bride’s side has their own traditions. At my wedding, for instance, it was tradition for the brothers of the bride to hoist the groom on their shoulders as soon as he got off the horse and carry him into the wedding venue. This was to prevent him from changing his mind at the last moment. I did not know about this tradition until it happened to me. It was an … unexpected surprise.
Fun times.
The actual wedding is only as important as the rituals, games, and traditions that precede it. It was late at night when we got around to it. Many guests had left by this time. Only close family remained, with cups of chai to sustain them. At such times, there is no obligation to watch. Many people sat scattered around the wedding venue, having last conversations with people they would not see again for several weeks or months.
But I could not miss this chance to draw. Prints of this drawing will be my wedding gift to the couple and their parents.
A Why of Family
Every individual is unique. And family helps us see the unique ways in which we are similar. To remind us that we are not alone - not in our strengths, but also not in our fears. We are not alone in our weaknesses or in our idiosyncrasies. And we are often together in our sense of humour.
It is a delight to discover this last.
Watching them, noticing them, and listening to them, I learned so many things about them and - by extension - myself.
Call it genetics or nature or nurture. We need family to feel less alone in our individualities.
Workshop in NYC
I am doing a unique in-person workshop with
on Sunday, 5th March, in Brooklyn, NYC.Seats will be limited, so stay tuned for more info and a signup link in my next post!
Thank you, dear reader, for your time and attention. I will be back in Vancouver next week. To see all the pages of my travel sketchbook, become a SneakyArt Insider and receive a private link to this month’s Insider Hangout.
I recommend reading Francis Fukuyama’s “Identity” for more. Or, this post I wrote after reading the book.
Wish I was going to be in Ny for the workshop! Hope there’s more.
So beautifully written!!