we sleep-trained - kids are great sleepers and I'm a better-rested parent for it - like everything, it's just a boundary that can help kids feel secure <3
ah, yes, totally get this issue - if our "rules" seem inconsistent (like we're there but not available!), it can be confusing to the kids - this is still true at older ages (now 7 and 9).
I remember spending hours online when my first grandchild was tiny, researching sleep training alternatives and reporting alternatives across the globe. I do recall finding more moderate, humane versions of the basic operation, which seems to involve children getting so distressed they fall asleep eventually from exhaustion. After two children and two grandkids and forty years of advice from countless sources on a shifting base of evidence and perceptions, I am inclined to believe nothing much you can do except reassuring them of your nearby presence, love and availability for comfort is any use, and there’s little you can do to hasten their natural transition away from needing contact and comfort to feel secure enough to sleep alone. Different kids will get there by vastly different routes at different rates, and there’s little if anything you can do that makes any difference. Very best of luck!
That makes a lot of sense! I want us to be less hard on him and ourselves over this. I think it isn't good that so much info, and so many optimal programs, are available to us. The decision anxiety is real!
I'm wondering what the baby learns from sleep training. Is it that - crying is useless, and I might as well give up? Or is it, that these guys will come get me in 5 mins, so I should continue regardless? Are human babies really designed to self soothe themselves? I get it, that it's hard for the parents but that's because we were supposed to be doing this with our village - which does not exist anymore. I don't know the alternative, but sleep training sounds harsh to me :(
I think we see a difference in him already. (Perhaps we are just lucky?) But he falls asleep fairly quickly, and it used to take over 30 minutes before. A 5 minute pause before checking on him - often shorter, and always while watching through an overhead cam - is both not that long and just long enough that his discomfort resolves itself.
I love your drawings of your son, and reading about how he is developing. But can I suggest that you do not do the sleep training exercise. We are a pack animal. We thrive on heat, on connection. I still have my 6 year old granddaughter sleeping with me. That will change over the next year, as she will let me know she wants her own space. Cherish your time together when the child is small, as they grow up so fast, and you don’t get it back. Again, it’s a suggestion, nothing more. I wish you all the very best. 💚🙏
I am glad that I had my kids in a different era when sleep training wasn’t in vogue. We survived nicely without it, had the family bed for awhile until they graduated to their crib on their schedule. Was nice just to nurse all cozy and half asleep for a year.
This was one of my favorite posts yet! Yes! The solid food and solid(er) poop transition is so baffling to the small person but so rewarding too. Here’s to a lifetime of good pooping for the little guy. :) About the sleep thing, I encourage you and mama to trust yourselves, not family members or random people online (like myself, haha). If it feels cruel and drastic to you, don’t do it. We were able to help my kid become an amazing happy sleeper who still looks forward to nighttime sleep using the No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It’s dated now, and a lot of work for the parents initially, but is so gentle and doesn’t ask you to do things that stab your soul. Added bonus: my kid at 10 has never had night terrors like my husband and I did as children. We were both left in cribs to cry until we finally fell asleep from exhaustion (I’m not comparing this to what you’re doing in the slightest - both of our sets of parents went with an extreme no-contact sleep training) and I think this set the stage for our later night terrors as kids and now, problems with insomnia. As a former biologist, I don’t actually believe tiny hominid mammals are capable of self-soothing (especially at night), which is why we evolved to want a parent with us 24/7 for the first couple of years. Not that I know what the hell I’m talking about regarding your kid. No one does — only you and mama know what’s right. :)
Thank you for the affirmations, Rebecca! We are, predictably, caught between following advice and trusting instincts. Sometimes he seems so delicate and at other times so resilient.
I hope one day when Rowan is older, he gets to go through all of these incredible little notebooks and see this relationship you’ve had with him from day one. It’s pretty special.
More reasons strung throughout for why I cannot wait for the “How to Draw Tiny People (no, really, like actually tiny people meaning infants, like your real-life baby children” workshop so as to continue to ween myself away from the screens and also have a collection of drawings to gift these newborn saplings in my home.
Hopefully coming soon to a Sneaky Nichey Subby newsletter near us. 🤞
I think I could make it the subject of the next reader hangout, with a sketchbook tour, and basic tips. I'm not yet sure about making a workshop around it!
I am child-free here, so I don’t have parental advice, but I do have a very vocal wire fox who barks nonstop when he is tired. I learned to speak softly to him without looking at him. Over time, it worked for both of us. But man, that was a hard learning curve.
I hope to jump on one of your videos, and thank you, Nishant, for sharing my Girls🔥
Thank you for sharing your first "Sneaky artist" sketch - it really shows how your style has evolved since you started! Also, as a parent of two tinies, sleep training ('cry it out' method) WORKS. It is hard and feels like you're just the most cold-hearted person on the planet. But when, eventually, you're able to kiss baby on the head and lay him down and walk away because he's able to soothe himself and fall asleep on his own, you'll realize it was ALL worth it. Stay strong, y'all - there is truly plenty of light at the end of this tunnel!
Thank you for the affirmation. He is so good at sleeping now, only needs attention for the first ten or so minutes after we put him down. And we have to check in maybe a couple of times in the night (but that feels like par for the course).
And I am glad you liked seeing the first sketch. At the next Reader Hangout, I will do a sketchbook tour of the first sketchbook and compare to my work now. Maybe it is worth a good discussion, how style and ideas evolve.
Dear Nishant, yes there is light at the end of the tunnel: you’re learning your child to sleep. And that is a great gift that will accompany him the rest of his life. Hang on and he’ll know what to do, trust the process.
Hi Nishant, I like your work. I was wondering though about your ideas on progress and efficiency in drawing. I think there is a place for wandering and doubt in drawings, and even redundant line. It may even be a fun tension between how much to leave in and how much to leave out.
Great point, Antonia. The journey to the simplest, most efficient line has been with ink. While I used only ink, I thought that was the entirety of my journey too. But since I started using a pencil, recently, I've had a chance to dwell upon what I call the "wandering line" or even the "thinking line". I see its value too! I guess the primary difference is that the ink line is fully there (or not) but the pencil line allows a much wider spectrum of bold v faint lines that better represent that wandering journey. What do you think?
Yes we can be different, and our drawings show different aspects of us with differing materials. Love that you are using pencil and a wandering or thinking line!
Such a great post, thank you! Rohan is so big now ❤️ I really love your current style, it’s unique and so you, if you know what I mean. But I also love your early sketch, I find it beautiful in its own way, thank you so much for sharing, it’s so precious to see how an artist grows through time and practice!
Thank you Lisa! 😊 I was so proud of that early sketch, just for having done it, and I can still remember the elderly person sitting in front of me, and thinking to myself how rare it was to find people reading physical newspapers.
If you don't wait 5 minutes, tomorrow it will be a shorter time and/or an increase in the volume. Talk to Gramma, she knows and will be able to give a detached opinion that is the right one. She knows from experience.
Mary Poppins says no. Babies cry for very specific reasons. Five minutes is an eternity. I don’t get sleeping training. My mother was very intuitive and empathetic and we were all great sleepers. I am sure she never let us cry for five minutes! On the other hand, never tiptoe around a sleeping baby; they will be light sleepers.
I will keep that in mind! Who knows how long this sleep training exercise will last. Every evening we reconsider because we really love him snuggling with us. 😅
He has to learn how to self-soothe, but is this the best way? Only you can say. Perhaps instead of waiting five minutes, wait one or two, and slowly extend that time span? It will take longer but maybe feel less barbaric. I promise, the sleep thing does get better!
We are so lucky he never cries for very long. It can take up to 15 minutes, but if he hasn't slept by then it's usually because he was hungry or needed a change.
we sleep-trained - kids are great sleepers and I'm a better-rested parent for it - like everything, it's just a boundary that can help kids feel secure <3
Good point, Janet. We are unable to resist soothing him if we are in the same room, and maybe that is not good for his sleep either.
ah, yes, totally get this issue - if our "rules" seem inconsistent (like we're there but not available!), it can be confusing to the kids - this is still true at older ages (now 7 and 9).
Sigh, consistent rules from inconsistent humans! This is going to be an adventure for the little guy.
love your art - beaut drawings of him <3
Thank you Janet. ☺️
I remember spending hours online when my first grandchild was tiny, researching sleep training alternatives and reporting alternatives across the globe. I do recall finding more moderate, humane versions of the basic operation, which seems to involve children getting so distressed they fall asleep eventually from exhaustion. After two children and two grandkids and forty years of advice from countless sources on a shifting base of evidence and perceptions, I am inclined to believe nothing much you can do except reassuring them of your nearby presence, love and availability for comfort is any use, and there’s little you can do to hasten their natural transition away from needing contact and comfort to feel secure enough to sleep alone. Different kids will get there by vastly different routes at different rates, and there’s little if anything you can do that makes any difference. Very best of luck!
That makes a lot of sense! I want us to be less hard on him and ourselves over this. I think it isn't good that so much info, and so many optimal programs, are available to us. The decision anxiety is real!
I'm wondering what the baby learns from sleep training. Is it that - crying is useless, and I might as well give up? Or is it, that these guys will come get me in 5 mins, so I should continue regardless? Are human babies really designed to self soothe themselves? I get it, that it's hard for the parents but that's because we were supposed to be doing this with our village - which does not exist anymore. I don't know the alternative, but sleep training sounds harsh to me :(
I think we see a difference in him already. (Perhaps we are just lucky?) But he falls asleep fairly quickly, and it used to take over 30 minutes before. A 5 minute pause before checking on him - often shorter, and always while watching through an overhead cam - is both not that long and just long enough that his discomfort resolves itself.
It’s an individual dependent decision. All the very best to you all.
I love your drawings of your son, and reading about how he is developing. But can I suggest that you do not do the sleep training exercise. We are a pack animal. We thrive on heat, on connection. I still have my 6 year old granddaughter sleeping with me. That will change over the next year, as she will let me know she wants her own space. Cherish your time together when the child is small, as they grow up so fast, and you don’t get it back. Again, it’s a suggestion, nothing more. I wish you all the very best. 💚🙏
Thank you, Kevin, I really appreciate that. 🙏
I am glad that I had my kids in a different era when sleep training wasn’t in vogue. We survived nicely without it, had the family bed for awhile until they graduated to their crib on their schedule. Was nice just to nurse all cozy and half asleep for a year.
We are in the midst of it and sometimes REALLY miss having him on the bed with us.
This was one of my favorite posts yet! Yes! The solid food and solid(er) poop transition is so baffling to the small person but so rewarding too. Here’s to a lifetime of good pooping for the little guy. :) About the sleep thing, I encourage you and mama to trust yourselves, not family members or random people online (like myself, haha). If it feels cruel and drastic to you, don’t do it. We were able to help my kid become an amazing happy sleeper who still looks forward to nighttime sleep using the No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It’s dated now, and a lot of work for the parents initially, but is so gentle and doesn’t ask you to do things that stab your soul. Added bonus: my kid at 10 has never had night terrors like my husband and I did as children. We were both left in cribs to cry until we finally fell asleep from exhaustion (I’m not comparing this to what you’re doing in the slightest - both of our sets of parents went with an extreme no-contact sleep training) and I think this set the stage for our later night terrors as kids and now, problems with insomnia. As a former biologist, I don’t actually believe tiny hominid mammals are capable of self-soothing (especially at night), which is why we evolved to want a parent with us 24/7 for the first couple of years. Not that I know what the hell I’m talking about regarding your kid. No one does — only you and mama know what’s right. :)
Thank you for the affirmations, Rebecca! We are, predictably, caught between following advice and trusting instincts. Sometimes he seems so delicate and at other times so resilient.
Isn’t that the truth. You guys got this!
🙏
I hope one day when Rowan is older, he gets to go through all of these incredible little notebooks and see this relationship you’ve had with him from day one. It’s pretty special.
I cannot wait for the day! 🥰
More reasons strung throughout for why I cannot wait for the “How to Draw Tiny People (no, really, like actually tiny people meaning infants, like your real-life baby children” workshop so as to continue to ween myself away from the screens and also have a collection of drawings to gift these newborn saplings in my home.
Hopefully coming soon to a Sneaky Nichey Subby newsletter near us. 🤞
I think I could make it the subject of the next reader hangout, with a sketchbook tour, and basic tips. I'm not yet sure about making a workshop around it!
I am child-free here, so I don’t have parental advice, but I do have a very vocal wire fox who barks nonstop when he is tired. I learned to speak softly to him without looking at him. Over time, it worked for both of us. But man, that was a hard learning curve.
I hope to jump on one of your videos, and thank you, Nishant, for sharing my Girls🔥
Thank you for sharing your first "Sneaky artist" sketch - it really shows how your style has evolved since you started! Also, as a parent of two tinies, sleep training ('cry it out' method) WORKS. It is hard and feels like you're just the most cold-hearted person on the planet. But when, eventually, you're able to kiss baby on the head and lay him down and walk away because he's able to soothe himself and fall asleep on his own, you'll realize it was ALL worth it. Stay strong, y'all - there is truly plenty of light at the end of this tunnel!
Thank you for the affirmation. He is so good at sleeping now, only needs attention for the first ten or so minutes after we put him down. And we have to check in maybe a couple of times in the night (but that feels like par for the course).
And I am glad you liked seeing the first sketch. At the next Reader Hangout, I will do a sketchbook tour of the first sketchbook and compare to my work now. Maybe it is worth a good discussion, how style and ideas evolve.
Dear Nishant, yes there is light at the end of the tunnel: you’re learning your child to sleep. And that is a great gift that will accompany him the rest of his life. Hang on and he’ll know what to do, trust the process.
🙏 thank you Mariette!
Hi Nishant, I like your work. I was wondering though about your ideas on progress and efficiency in drawing. I think there is a place for wandering and doubt in drawings, and even redundant line. It may even be a fun tension between how much to leave in and how much to leave out.
Great point, Antonia. The journey to the simplest, most efficient line has been with ink. While I used only ink, I thought that was the entirety of my journey too. But since I started using a pencil, recently, I've had a chance to dwell upon what I call the "wandering line" or even the "thinking line". I see its value too! I guess the primary difference is that the ink line is fully there (or not) but the pencil line allows a much wider spectrum of bold v faint lines that better represent that wandering journey. What do you think?
Yes we can be different, and our drawings show different aspects of us with differing materials. Love that you are using pencil and a wandering or thinking line!
Such a great post, thank you! Rohan is so big now ❤️ I really love your current style, it’s unique and so you, if you know what I mean. But I also love your early sketch, I find it beautiful in its own way, thank you so much for sharing, it’s so precious to see how an artist grows through time and practice!
Thank you Lisa! 😊 I was so proud of that early sketch, just for having done it, and I can still remember the elderly person sitting in front of me, and thinking to myself how rare it was to find people reading physical newspapers.
That is such a cool memory!!
Every page of my sketchbooks is a memory vault!
This question about sleep training babies may also come back later when you’re trying to do the reverse with a teenager.
“Come on Dad, just let me sleep five more minutezzzzz”
Ha! I would not have believed it when I was a teen, but I'm certainly going to be a "Wake up early and smell the sunshine" Dad. 😅
If you don't wait 5 minutes, tomorrow it will be a shorter time and/or an increase in the volume. Talk to Gramma, she knows and will be able to give a detached opinion that is the right one. She knows from experience.
It does feel that way!
Mary Poppins says no. Babies cry for very specific reasons. Five minutes is an eternity. I don’t get sleeping training. My mother was very intuitive and empathetic and we were all great sleepers. I am sure she never let us cry for five minutes! On the other hand, never tiptoe around a sleeping baby; they will be light sleepers.
I will keep that in mind! Who knows how long this sleep training exercise will last. Every evening we reconsider because we really love him snuggling with us. 😅
He has to learn how to self-soothe, but is this the best way? Only you can say. Perhaps instead of waiting five minutes, wait one or two, and slowly extend that time span? It will take longer but maybe feel less barbaric. I promise, the sleep thing does get better!
We are so lucky he never cries for very long. It can take up to 15 minutes, but if he hasn't slept by then it's usually because he was hungry or needed a change.