Excellent. You captured what it means to be "home." I have similar experiences because my parents still live in the same house I grew up in. And my 83-year old mother still cries every time I fly home after a visit.
An amazing and moving account of what “home” is. Brought tears to my eyes because I’ve been there. It’s been 5 years since I’ve been to my home (where so much change is taking place as I type this!). One day soon I’ll be back to capture that feeling in a sketch (or a few…). I hope I can still relate to that naive young woman who left home over 20 years ago.
Jan 14, 2022·edited Jan 14, 2022Liked by Nishant Jain
There are no words that can accurately and adequately describe those feelings you detailed. They can only be felt. They were very triggering for me. I could feel every word as I remembered how it was to leave for college, to leave for graduate-medical school and now, to leave a place I have called home for 22 years as I wait for my family to join me (going on 7 months). I went home for just 5 days over Christmas and said my goodbyes even to the space that comforted me everyday all those years and I did the same thing—I used my eyes and brain as a camera as if to take photos. I needed to really remember. Each day I kept track of how many days had passed and how many were left and then felt relieved that I wasn’t leaving just yet. Even before I traveled, I was already dreading the day I would have to leave. Then, that day came, as I knew inevitably it would, to say goodbye and return to my solitary routine for who knows how much longer. What helped me was answering one question, “If I wanted to or had to travel again back to home, is this possible? Could I choose?” My answer was, “Yes, everything is always possible.” By having a sense of choice and possibility, I could derive some comfort in this small way. Most days, I feel as if I am back at college again, that this is just my temporary place. As an aside, I enjoyed how you leave a different book in every room. As one of your readers, I appreciate the candor and fresh, raw honesty you share. I am grateful for your authenticity which mitigates self-criticism that I am going insane sometimes! Thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts, art, and writing. They are certainly received with appreciation.
Thank you for saying that, Celeste. I have had such similar experiences - leaving home for college, then again for graduate school, and finally to live in the US with my partner.
“Yes, everything is always possible.” - This has been my way of approaching things as well. I hope we are both right. :)
And I should add I love to hear precisely what you liked about my writing. I have been doing some soul searching these last few weeks, to re-establish the purpose of my writing, and what I offer to Insiders. I'm very happy to know that this has value to you. 🙌
I paused my comment for the first time. Left this article alone. Wanting to give it the deserved space and not hurry through someone's story. Wanting to leave a better comment. I returned it today. And all I felt it's right for me to comment is still this: 😢 (translated to "I hear you".)
Beautifully written Nishant. It’s incredible how something so personal can be so relatable! I’m staying with my parents in my hometown for the holidays. Even though I come back every Christmas, it almost feels like a parallel universe. Like a taste of how different my life could have been.
What a beautiful and poignant reflection, Nishant. You can’t stop time, as you note, but you can seize the individual moment by absolute attention. You do that with your carefully observed drawings. There are only moments after all. My parents are both gone, and I keep on thinking of questions I wished I had asked them. I’m not sure there are enough answers, but I wish we had had the conversation, at least.
Excellent. You captured what it means to be "home." I have similar experiences because my parents still live in the same house I grew up in. And my 83-year old mother still cries every time I fly home after a visit.
Thank you, Mark! This pandemic has made me question a lot of these decisions that now govern my life.
An amazing and moving account of what “home” is. Brought tears to my eyes because I’ve been there. It’s been 5 years since I’ve been to my home (where so much change is taking place as I type this!). One day soon I’ll be back to capture that feeling in a sketch (or a few…). I hope I can still relate to that naive young woman who left home over 20 years ago.
I hope you make some lovely sketches of home, Sasala! It is the best way to capture the complex emotions a photograph cannot.
There are no words that can accurately and adequately describe those feelings you detailed. They can only be felt. They were very triggering for me. I could feel every word as I remembered how it was to leave for college, to leave for graduate-medical school and now, to leave a place I have called home for 22 years as I wait for my family to join me (going on 7 months). I went home for just 5 days over Christmas and said my goodbyes even to the space that comforted me everyday all those years and I did the same thing—I used my eyes and brain as a camera as if to take photos. I needed to really remember. Each day I kept track of how many days had passed and how many were left and then felt relieved that I wasn’t leaving just yet. Even before I traveled, I was already dreading the day I would have to leave. Then, that day came, as I knew inevitably it would, to say goodbye and return to my solitary routine for who knows how much longer. What helped me was answering one question, “If I wanted to or had to travel again back to home, is this possible? Could I choose?” My answer was, “Yes, everything is always possible.” By having a sense of choice and possibility, I could derive some comfort in this small way. Most days, I feel as if I am back at college again, that this is just my temporary place. As an aside, I enjoyed how you leave a different book in every room. As one of your readers, I appreciate the candor and fresh, raw honesty you share. I am grateful for your authenticity which mitigates self-criticism that I am going insane sometimes! Thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts, art, and writing. They are certainly received with appreciation.
Thank you for saying that, Celeste. I have had such similar experiences - leaving home for college, then again for graduate school, and finally to live in the US with my partner.
“Yes, everything is always possible.” - This has been my way of approaching things as well. I hope we are both right. :)
And I should add I love to hear precisely what you liked about my writing. I have been doing some soul searching these last few weeks, to re-establish the purpose of my writing, and what I offer to Insiders. I'm very happy to know that this has value to you. 🙌
I paused my comment for the first time. Left this article alone. Wanting to give it the deserved space and not hurry through someone's story. Wanting to leave a better comment. I returned it today. And all I felt it's right for me to comment is still this: 😢 (translated to "I hear you".)
I understand that, Melinda. Thank you. :)
Beautifully written Nishant. It’s incredible how something so personal can be so relatable! I’m staying with my parents in my hometown for the holidays. Even though I come back every Christmas, it almost feels like a parallel universe. Like a taste of how different my life could have been.
This was very moving, Nishant.
Thank you, Sajith.
What a beautiful and poignant reflection, Nishant. You can’t stop time, as you note, but you can seize the individual moment by absolute attention. You do that with your carefully observed drawings. There are only moments after all. My parents are both gone, and I keep on thinking of questions I wished I had asked them. I’m not sure there are enough answers, but I wish we had had the conversation, at least.
Thank you, Peter. I will take that as a suggestion to ask more questions while I am here, instead of leaving things unsaid.
Ha. I didn’t wish to be didactic! But, um, YES.
I agree, Cathy. I'm going to do this for sure!